Commencement

by Schoolyard Survival

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Schoolyard Survival's home-recorded first full-length album

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released August 18, 2012

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Schoolyard Survival Houston, Texas

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Track Name: So Much Better
I wouldn't say I'm numb, but I have lost a lot of feeling
I let go of my grudges and I've tried to stop complaining
I pick up on your hints but I still wish that'd you'd stop wishing
I have to do what's best for me, my priorities are shifting

I am so much better than I used to be
Am I so much better than I used to be?

I wouldn't say I'm great, but I've been feeling much less empty
I let go of my secrets, I don't care who's out to get me
We hate to feel so helpless, but I'll dare to say it again:
Forget about the problems of the world, cause you can't fix them

I am so much better than I used to be
Am I so much better than I used to be?

I've seen the
Highest highs and lowest lows
With confidence that never shows
I'm right here, and somehow
I am so much better now

Forgive, forget, and futz around, go driving in the nighttime
I cover more distance in one step than you will in your lifetime
If I work hard I'll get that nine-to-five, or so I'm told
No matter what happens, I'm growing up but I'm never growing old

I am so much better than I used to be
Am I so much better than I used to be?

I've seen the
Highest highs and lowest lows
With confidence that never shows
I'm right here, and somehow
I am so much better now

Stuck between my teenage fears and a grown-up sense of self
I'm sick of feeling sorry for what makes your life less hell
I don't know what's going on, and frankly, I don't care
Just call me up this weekend, and you know that I'll be there

I've seen the
Highest highs and lowest lows
With confidence that never shows
I'm right here, and somehow
I am so much better now

A new disguise I've come to know
With arrogance that starts to show
I'm lost here, yet somehow
I'm still so much better now
I am so much better now
Track Name: Moment, Last
I wake up to a telephone
Reminding me I made it home last night
I pull the sheets over my head
And waste the daylight in my bed, alright
Sometimes it feels like tragedy
That there was never you and me
Or anyone willing to see what I see
You don't have to say it
There's plenty other fish in the sea
With matching melodies

I am self-involved
I am so enthralled by you
Final curtain call
As I cover up the truth
I'm freaked out by the future
But still caught up in the past
And we never seem to make the moment last

I wake up in the afternoon
In the middle of an empty room it seems
At night I ponder loneliness
Insomnia has got the best of me
Sometimes it feels so difficult
To get a positive result
Or anything better than smokescreen insults
You don't have to say it
Relax, take a breath, try again
Well, I am sick of listening

I am self-involved
I am so enthralled by you
Final curtain call
As I cover up the truth
I'm freaked out by the future
But still caught up in the past
And we never seem to make the moment last

Push it out, there is so much more
For you to discover and explore and now the
Wolves are outside your front door
will you let them in, do you feel secure

Make it last, there is not much left
The years come creeping up like death if I was
Just outside of your front door
Would you let me in
Or are you not so sure
Are you not so sure
Track Name: Checkout Counter
Hanging out at a thrift shop with some of my friends
I was buying some clothes for the coming weekend
When I walked up to buy some new jeans
The check-out counter got a whole new meaning
Staring at me with her bright grey eyes
She'd take your heart if you'd give her the time
She asks if I found everything okay
I try to figure out just what to say, yeah

With a smirk on her face and this thing about her
I can't help but to duck and cower
She looks confused as I try to speak
With way too much formality
As clumsy words trip off my tongue
My face turns red and the air escapes my lungs
I'm a freak but it's no excuse
For getting st-st-stupid over you

And later I will figure out what I should've said G# Eb C#/C C#
Repeat the lines as I kick myself in the head G# Eb C#/C Eb
So I'll go home and I'll spend some time alone again Bb C# F Eb C#
I'll spend some time alone again Eb

Later in the car my friends all laugh
They say I gotta grow up and all that crap
I play it off like it's no big deal
But it represents something much more real
I can't relate to anybody
So how could anyone ever love me?
It's just a thought, it might seem trite
But it keeps me up at night (keeps me up at night)

And later I will figure out what I should've said
Repeat the lines as I kick myself in the head
So I'll go home and I'll spend some time alone again
I'll spend some time alone
And later I will figure out what I should've said
Repeat the lines as I kick myself in the head
So I'll go home and I'll spend some time alone again
I'll spend some time alone again

And now my tail's between my legs
I think I know what's between yours
Track Name: Character Traits
Shiver away the day's mistakes
My jacket's not heavy enough for the bitter cold
Fighting just to stand up straight
I just wanna do what I wanna do before I get too old
Right now what Americans call football
Captivates the masses around me
Shrugging off what they call "simple pleasures"
Home and lonely is where I'd rather be

Some would say I'm messed up
Others call me manic
You just call me quirky
Idiosyncratic
Baby please don't leave yet
I think I almost had it
So wave goodbye and watch me panic

Two years ago I would have thought that
Everything was a-ok, it's all normal
But now the littlest dip in seratonin
Has got me falling headfirst into the parking lot of the mall
They say I'm young but I could tell them
Everything that's wrong with their inflated brains
When the doctors say, personality disorder
I smile and say, character traits

You'd think I would've grown out of this by now
You'd think I would've grown out of this

Four o'clock in the afternoon and I can't leave my bed
Paranoia has won the fight against logic in my head
But don't mind me, no don't mind me
I'm just the guy you think is kind of cool
Just don't mind me, no don't mind me
I never went to middle school

Some would say I'm messed up
Others call me manic
You just call me quirky
Idiosyncratic
Baby please don't leave yet
I think I almost had it
So wave goodbye
And watch me panic

Wave goodbye and watch me panic
Wave goodbye and watch me, watch me, go!

After a simple conversation
I find myself on the bedroom floor
But it's a wonderful life, my dear
Who could ask for anything more?
Track Name: Crossroads
Now I can tell, yeah I can tell
That every smile is fake
You never made a promise
That you did not intend to break
So here I am, alone again
And now I've finally had enough
The backseat window won't reflect
Mistakes and failing trust

Now every kiss gets staler
With every little failure

'Bout time someone came along
And shattered my illusions
'Bout time someone made me lose
My faith in what I called "love"
It's about time for an explanation
So come on and do your worst
It's about time that I understand
Why they all say
"You won't forget your first"

Now I can tell, yeah I can tell
The truth, or I could let it go
I could let you treat me like a fool
And just pretend that I don't know
Cause now we're at a crossroads
And now I'm starting to lose heart
I carved it out the moment
I pictured us apart

'Bout time someone came along
And shattered my illusions
'Bout time someone made me lose
My faith in what I called "love"
It's about time for an explanation
So come on and do your worst
It's about time that I understand
Why they all say
"You won't forget your first"

Now every kiss gets staler
With every little failure
I read you like that book you gave me
Feigned affection will not save me
You crossed your fingers
But a sense of hope still lingers
And even though it doesn't make sense
I'll chock it up to life experience

'Bout time someone came along
And shattered my illusions
'Bout time someone made me lose
My faith in what I called "love"
It's about time for an explanation
So come on and do your worst
It's about time that I understand
Why they all say
"You won't forget your first"

You won't forget your first
You won't forget your first
Track Name: Written in the Stars
More than just coincidence
It was written in the stars
That we would be together
Then swiftly torn apart

Then all at once
I could smell the coffee on your breath again
I could feel your fingers
Grazing over mine
Then all at once
I could taste your insincerity again
Increasing atmospheric pressure
As I get closer to you

More than just coincidence
It was written in the stars
That we would be together
Then swiftly torn apart
So I will find my stereo
And dust off the old CDs, cause she's
Never coming, never coming, back to me

At times you tried
At times you really couldn't care at all
I could feel you giving
Up without a fight
It's a new year
Just twelve more months to get through now, there is no
Resolution
For you and me

More than just coincidence
It was written in the stars
That we would be together
Then swiftly torn apart
So I will fill her hollow shell
With anyone I please, cause she's
Never coming, never coming, back to me

More than just coincidence
It was written in the stars
That we would be together
Then swiftly torn apart
So I'll find my way on my own
I'll love until I bleed, cause she's
Never coming, never coming, no, she's
Never coming, never coming, back to me
Track Name: Background Noise
You struck the chord,
It was music to their ears
You're dressed up to the nines
And playing on their fears
And if your looks could kill
This club would be an abattoir, and
Not even your closest friends
Have a f#%king clue just who you are

You're lying like it's going out of style
Won't you tell me, does this make you feel worthwhile?

What happened to chivalry?
what happened to poise?
You get off on the coup de gras
Of well-intentioned boys
What happened to honesty
And all that you've destroyed?
Lifeless minds and mindless lives
To you it's all just background noise

You only think about the future
In terms of next month's clothes
You point out others' problems
But you'd never admit your own
Who would ever want to wake up
Next to you (next to you)
I bet that, every time it happens
It feels like deja vu

Tell me baby, was it worth the sin?
I don't even know where to begin!!!

What happened to chivalry?
what happened to poise?
You get off on the coup de gras
Of well-intentioned boys
What happened to honesty
And all that you've destroyed?
Lifeless minds and mindless lives
to you it's all just background noise
Track Name: Sticks and Stones Part 2
Short circuits and false dependence
Sharp nails in picket fences
Sick of keeping my hands to myself
Summer settings and hurricane hearts
Callous crises and modern art
Adding two more notches to my belt

Whiteboards and obligations
Medicine for recreation
Sick of never taking what I give
Countdowns and apprehension
Loneliness and pretention
Dying without having really lived

Sticks and stones will never break these bones
But being the last one standing never felt so alone
One day I'll understand why good things have to end
But for now, I'll just have to pretend

Creation and confusion
Maintaining the illusion
Sick of never working up the nerve
Avoidance and disaster
Could we sink any faster?
Bloody nose from life throwing me curves

Sticks and stones will never break these bones
But being the last one standing never felt so alone
One day I'll understand why good things have to end
But for now, I'll just have to pretend

That everything turns out okay
But I can't find the words to say
Figure out a way to find the courage within
No one told me that was in the job description

Shuddering, it never shakes the cold
And being the one forgotten has gotten oh-oohw-old
One day I'll understand why good things have to end
But for now I'll just have to, now I'll

Sticks and stones will never break these bones
But being the last one standing never felt so alone
One day I'll understand why good things have to end
But for now, I'll just have to
Now I'll just have to
Now I'll just have to pretend
Track Name: Lightning in a Jar
It's days like this
That make me not want to remember your name
Cause I've been gnawing at my tongue since we started this game
And it's like
No matter what I do I can't forget your face
Or the place where tears chase every fall from grace

Do you remember when I died in your dreams?
You were awoken in a cold sweat by your own screams
Cause I know
That that was back when you used to care
Back when those dreams were still considered nightmares

Two more weeks it'll all be over
Two more months will decompose her
Not that it matters to me
All those nights you wake and wonder
Is sunlight worth rain and thunder?
Still you see possibility

They tell me
You can't capture lightning in a jar
They tell me
You can't try to reignite the spark
I don't think
You were the best I'm gonna get
Cause baby
I wanna be...

Your biggest regret
So I can claim all the credit that I deserve
Cause my parting words must have struck the right nerve
And you miss me
You tell me while I'm burning the bridge
But the fire is still lit so pick a side and commit

I'm sick and tired of the inclement weather
It's just a constant reminder that it's not getting any better
I know that
The sunshine and smiles are gone
But at what point did you realize that you were wrong?

Our attraction was dictated
By chemicals which indicated
False promises of compatibility
Pheromones were on the rise
Seratonin in decline
Cyanide always a possibility

They tell me
You can't capture lightning in a jar
They tell me
You can't try to reignite the spark
I don't think
You were the best I'm gonna get
Cause baby
I wanna be your biggest regret

We burn our money in a little glass bowl
We need a break cause life can take its toll
Try green when you're feeling blue
But it won't fix what she did to you [x2]

They tell me
You can't capture lightning in a jar
They tell me
You can't try to reignite the spark
I don't think
You were the best I'm gonna get
Cause baby
I wanna be your biggest regret [x2]
Track Name: Guts (Do You Feel Me)
I can't decide whether to hate myself
Or claim that I'm above all others
Do I deserve attention
More or less than all my brothers
Would suicide send a message
That all I ever feel is worthless
Still, I'd never have the guts to do it
Besides, your pleasure is not quite worth it

Because you lie in the bed you make
I never make my bed, but I still lie
To make myself seem smarter
As I squander volumes of my life
Do I need medication
Or are these just symptoms of complaining
Children in third world countries
Starve while I worry 'bout my smile fading

You don't know me, You can't judge me
Do you feel me? Here's my story
You don't know me, You can't judge me
Do you feel me?

I hate to feel self-pity
Too many kids waste their time wallowing
And I'm not any better
But at least I don't pride myself on following
All the sheep and their shepherds
Forcing lonely virgins to cave in
I reject the idea
That denial is another form of acceptance

You don't know me, You can't judge me
Do you feel me? Here's my story
You don't know me, You can't judge me
Do you feel me?

You don't know me, You can't judge me
Do you feel me? Here's my story
You don't know me, You can't judge me
Do you feel me?

Cause I'd never have the guts
Track Name: Extra Ordinary
Did you know I can disappear
Behind smiles and a thousand lies
When your eyes, like knives, cut so deep
Everyone's all gone again
I guess it's just a growing trend
If only you were here tonight
I tell myself that I will be alright

When words decrease between you and me
When we take our hearts off of our sleeves
I disappear, I disappear, I want you here
When always turns into never
We'll pretend we just can't remember
These awful fears, these awful fears, I need you here

Nobody's who they say they are,
There's nobody you can trust
And my lust, my crush, has gone away
I watch the bottle, I watch the glass
I watch as things blur and I let time pass
If I go back now, this will never end
I will not make the same mistake again

When words decrease between you and me
When we take our hearts off of our sleeves
I disappear, I disappear, I want you here
When always turns into never
We'll pretend we just can't remember
These awful fears, these awful fears, I need you here

They say I shouldn't fear my nightmares
But if this is what my mind can do
You'll excuse me if I'm terrified, excuse me if I'm terrified
They say I shouldn't fear my failures
But if this is what my words can do
You'll excuse me if I'm silent, please excuse me if I'm silent

When words decrease between you and me
When we take our hearts off of our sleeves
I disappear, I disappear, I want you here
When always turns into never
We'll pretend we just can't remember
These awful fears, these awful fears, I need you here

When I disappear, my salvation is here.
Track Name: Silhouettes
All throughout the seasons
With no one to call my own
I almost got accustomed to
A life lived all alone
But I knew something was missing
Made clearer by my dreams
I was just so full of love
It was almost sickening

It was the end of the Summer
And I couldn't think at all
I was looking down from a lonely cliff
Just waiting for the Fall
You made things so clear to me
You wanted to be alone
Still, the next week I'd ask again
But in a different tone

Autumn was well underway
I finally had it all
The girl of my dreams was in my arms
In the middle of a concert hall
Even when my thoughts deceived
The clearest realities
You were so quick to tell me that
Your love was what it seemed

Baby, don't worry 'bout privacy
The condensation from our body heat
Will make us only silhouettes to anyone outside
Baby, don't worry 'bout empathy
The lines all blur when you're in front of me
The headlights make us silhouettes and I can't see you cry

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

Winter came around the bend
And things started to change
I chronicled your every word
But you still couldn't explain
Now you've gone out of my life
And I couldn't be more pleased
When I watch my dog chew up the things
That you kindly gave to me

Baby, don't worry 'bout you and me
We will be alright, just wait and see
Though we're only silhouettes in the recess of my mind
Now I don't worry 'bout anything
Everything works out eventually
But I'm just a silhouette
Baby, we're all silhouettes
Yeah, I'm just a silhouette
But I know I'll be fine